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I’ve never blogged before. I’m not even sure I fully understand the concept really, but it occurred to me yesterday that it may be cathartic in a way to write down some of my internal chatter, so here I am.
First and foremost, I am a mum. In fact, at the moment, it’s the only identity I have. I’m not sure if that fact in itself is what bothers me, or if this is a by-product of post natal depression.
Being honest, there has been a lingering depression with me for almost 20 years. I have a wonderful husband now, a beautiful son, a good relationship with my mum and in laws, but I don’t know if I’ll ever feel “balanced”.
Will there always be a cloud hanging over me?
I had a good day yesterday. Nothing ground breaking, I just felt like the day went well and I was content for a moment. Then today, that nagging feeling has somehow crept back. What the hell happened overnight?! It’s a bit like hangover doom, a constant feeling of dread. I remember being sat on the bus to primary school with this feeling. The thought of my own little boy feeling like that at such a young age is makes me feel uneasy.
At the end of the day, I suppose that is what post natal depression is all about. The pressure to make sure your child never has to feel the way you did when you were sad, scared, worried, lonely etc.
Phoenix The Rebirth said:
Welcome to the Blogsphere. I find this a very welcoming and free environment to share and connect my thoughts and feelings with others who experience similar things as me. I look forward to reading more of your work. Sending positive vibes your way
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postnataldisaster said:
Wow thank you, I honestly never expected anyone to actually read it! I did feel better for just getting it out
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autismthoughts said:
Welcome to the blog world! I hope blogging helps you get out some of your feelings and maybe help alleviate some of the stress of depression. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help š
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postnataldisaster said:
Thank you so much. It did feel like it helped, I just can’t promise it will all be interesting!
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autismthoughts said:
I doubt my blog is always interesting either š
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